I Never Told You
by Persephone's Journey
Summary: Reid could be dying. After making a recording for his mother he decides to call the only other person he loves in his life; Tucker. Set during Amplification season 4.


Reid hung up his phone after making the recording for his mom. He leaned against the desk and looked at the damn white powder on the floor. It was anthrax and because of it and his stupidity he was going to die. He looked at his cell phone and knew there was only one other person he wanted to say goodbye too. Tucker McLean worked at the book cafe he loved. It just so happened that he loved the place even more because she was there. He sighed and shook his head. Who was he kidding he loved Tucker and that was why he spent hours on his days off there watching her and then talking with her. She didn't care that he was a genius and she laughed at his stupid jokes.

He closed his eyes and knew he had no right to call her and lay all this on her but he didn't want to die without talking to her. He flipped his phone open and dialled her cell phone. She had given him her number saying if he ever got bored on the long flights because of his job to give her a call. He held the phone to his ear and waited.

"Hello Spence," she said answering it on the third ring.

Reid smiled, "Hey Tuck. Are you busy?"

"For you? Never."

"Are you sure? I don't want to disturb you."

"You never disturb me, Spence. So, what's on your mind?"

Reid knew he couldn't tell her the truth. They had been briefed not to. He closed his eyes and thought about all the things he wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her how he felt but he knew from past experience that women seldom felt the same way about him as he did about them. They did not flock to him like they did to Morgan. He didn't want to admit how he felt about Tucker only to have her push him away after. He valued her friendship. He didn't have too many friends outside of the Bureau and he didn't want to lose her as one of them.

"Spence, you still there?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, I am," he replied.

"Are you okay? You seem... I don't know just not like yourself."

"I don't feel like myself."

"Are you sick?"

"You could say that."

Tucker sighed, "Spencer, are we playing a game of twenty questions here but no one told me about it?"

Reid ran his hand over his face, "No, we aren't. I just don't know how to tell you what I want to say."

"And you're the genius?"

Reid laughed, "Yeah, I am the genius. Tuck, you know that I... I appreciate you, right?"

"Oh God, are you breaking up with me?"

"Breaking up with you? What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Spencer. Breaking up as in you don't want to talk to me anymore, see other people."

Reid stood there and thought about what she had said. He was slightly confused, "Tucker, we aren't dating."

"So? Friends can break up too, Spencer. It's just as painful as a regular breakup too."

"Tucker, I'm not breaking up with you."

There was a moment of silence on the phone, "You aren't?"

"No, I'm not."

"Then what's with all the you appreciate me stuff?"

Reid coughed. He felt like his lungs were burning. He closed his eyes and relaxed as he listened to Tucker ask him if he was okay. He loved the sound of her voice and it always brought him peace. He could listen to her soft voice all day and there had been a couple of times he had. He opened his eyes and raked a hand thru his hair. Nothing was turning out as he had planned.

"Spence, are you okay?" Tucker asked again. Reid could hear the worry in her voice and knew that he had made a mistake in calling her. He should have just left her out of it. He knew however, that he couldn't. He had wanted to hear her voice one last time.

"I'll be fine," he lied knowing that it might the last thing he ever said to her but he couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to her. That would have been harder then lying.

"Are you sure? You don't sound fine. How about I bring you some soup or something?"

"I'm working a case right now but-."

"Are you crazy? Working when you are sick?"

"They need me."

"Well, you need to get better. I am ordering you the minute I hang up to get your ass in bed and rest. Do you understand me, Dr. Reid?"

Reid smiled and felt a couple of tears roll down his cheeks, "I understand you, Ms. McLean."

"Good. Glad we could come to an understanding. Call me tomorrow after you have had a nice long rest."

"I'll do that," Reid paused, "Tucker?"

"Yeah?"

"I," Reid couldn't bring himself to say the words, "Take care of yourself."

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, "I am not the one who's sick at the moment."

"Please, look after yourself and be... Happy."

"You aren't making sense, Spence."

"Just humour me today. I'm sick, remember?"

"Alright, I will look after myself and be happy. Now, will you please go lay down?"

"I will. Bye Tucker," Reid said his voice almost cracking.

"See you later, Spence."

Reid flipped his phone closed and sat on the desk. He held the phone tight in his hand and thought about Tucker. He knew that she would be angry and pissed with him for not telling her everything but he didn't care. He couldn't tell her that they would probably never speak or see each other again. He knew that everyone was counting on him making it but he knew the statistics. The likelihood of him finding the cure and it working were slim. He jumped a little when his phone rang. He looked at it and saw Morgan's number there. He took a deep breath. It was time to go back to work and to try and forget about Tucker. He knew he couldn't but he needed to at least try and focus on the job at hand. It might be the last case he ever worked.

* * *

Tucker tucked her brown hair behind her ear. She looked up as the door to the cafe opened and another customer walked in. She was disappointed when it wasn't Reid. It had been three days since she had talked to him and she was starting to get even more worried about him. She had left him countless messages but so far he hadn't called her back. She turned and focused on wiping down the back counter as Alice served the customers.

She kept thinking back to how Reid had sounded the last time he had talked to her. He hadn't sounded like his usual smart self. She had always heard a slight tone of confidence in Reid's voice when he talked to her on the phone. She knew it was because on the phone he could be himself and he wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. However, on the last call he had seemed more sad then confident. She dropped the rag on the floor and cursed softly. She kneeled down to get it and heard the door to the cafe open again. She knew it wouldn't be Reid. She was convinced that he either didn't want to talk to her or something horrible had happened to him and no one had thought to tell her. Of course that was because she wasn't anyone real important to Reid. She was just one of his friends; hell, she was even less than that. She pushed out the thoughts in her mind of being more to than a friend to him. She had too many skeletons in her closet and the last thing she wanted was for Reid to find out about them.

"See something interesting down there?" Reid asked her causing her to jump about three feet in the air. She whirled around and faced him. There he was standing in front of the front counter his leather messenger bag swung across his body and at his side. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his black jeans and the buttons on his grey sweater were undone showing off his purple paisley dress shirt under it. He looked nervous when her jade green eyes met his brown green ones and Tucker really wanted to hug him then smack him.

"No, nothing interesting. I just thought that I would stay down there since you apparently don't want to see me or talk to me," Tucker answered turning her back to Reid again.

She heard Reid sigh, "I'm sorry, Tucker but I was in the hospital and-."

"What?"

Tucker whirled back around and looked at Reid. She noticed that the bags under his eyes were larger and darker then they usually were. She also saw how pale he looked and knew that it wasn't the lights doing it. She walked around the counter and walked over to him. She hugged him wrapping her arms around his neck. She felt him stiffen and then his arms come around her and hug her close as well. She held him close wishing that someone had called her letting her know what had happened. She pulled away from him before his scent became too much and before she decided to stay in his arms for the rest of her life. She smacked him on the chest gently.

"You should have called me," she said softly looking up and seeing something in his eyes. It was there for a moment and then it was gone.

"I didn't want to worry you."

"You still should have called to tell me. I was worrying anyway."

"I'm sorry."

"You better be sorry," Tucker pulled completely away from him and walked around the counter. She gave him a smile and was relieved when he smiled back, "The usual?" she asked.

"Yes, please."

Tucker watched as he stuffed ten dollars in the tip jar and she rolled her eyes. She turned and started to get his coffee with three shots of espresso in it. She watched as he walked over to his table by the front windows. She smiled to herself and grabbed him a brownie on the house.

Reid sat and looked out the window watching as D.C. moved around him. He knew that nothing had changed between Tucker and him and in the end that didn't matter. He still had her as his friend and that was all that mattered to him. There weren't too many people that he was close to in the world and he was grateful that he could count Tucker among them. He smiled when she brought him his coffee and a brownie. He opened his mouth to tell her he didn't want the brownie but she shook her head at him and set the plate in front of him with a fork. She gave him another smile and gently ran her hand thru his hair before walking away from his table and back to the counter. He smiled and took a sip of his coffee. He then set it down and picked up the fork and began to eat the brownie. It was a double chocolate fudge with walnuts; his favourite. He looked up and saw Tucker helping another customer. He decided he was very happy to have her in his life and he wouldn't ruin that for anything in the world. She glanced his way and graced him with another smile. He smiled back and decided if all he would be able to do was call Tucker his friend he was still lucky. He would live with that. He went back to eating his brownie and watching the world outside the window content in that moment with his life; he didn't think it could get any better than it was at that moment.

* * *

A/N: So, I got this idea while watching an episode of Criminal Minds a couple of years back. It's the one where Reid goes into the lab of this crazy doctor and gets infected with anthrax. I finally got around to actually writing this one shot like six months ago. I was going thru Supernatural withdraws and Dr. Spencer Reid was just what the doctor ordered. I do have a full length story with Reid and Tucker called 'Breakeven' and it is finished it just needs some editing. I have no idea when I will post it as school has been kicking my ass and all my other stories need wrapping up. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this, see you all in the next one. Peace.


End file.
